Trust The Process

Wherever you go in life, you are never prepared for the hard balls life will throw at you. In this life of mine I have been knocked down multiple times, and I have gotten back up more times than I can count. Nothing in life is easy, nothing you go through during your life are you prepared for. But when the blows continue to happen time after time. It just might be time for you to fix whatever it is that you are doing wrong. If you keep losing relationships, maybe it’s time to sit down and fix, love and care about yourself instead of trying to worry about a partner. Yes everyone wants a partner to fall asleep & wake up next to daily, a partner that you can come home to and feel welcomed, wanted and appreciated, a partner who won’t bash you because they don’t feel like you’re the woman/man that they thought you would be. But sometimes in life God wants you to focus on yourself, to better understand what it is that you want. God will allow people to continue to hurt you just so you can listen, since you didn’t listen the first time. 

Ever got called lazy and a huge procrastinator when you were growing up? Ever felt like everything you did was compared to an older sibling or the younger one? Its an experience like nothing else, and it is very hurtful to hear because you are trying your hardest to make the people around you happy, but you still get put down and compared to everybody else. Well I realized that the words you hear growing up can also stick with you, and you start to become that person that other people used to say you were. Like the lazy, procrastinating kid that like to stay to themselves and out of the way because every time you decided to be front & center it was a joke. Hurtful. Just trying to make the ones around you happy, so you forget to love your true self. But nobody understands the emotional damage it would do to their kids when they reach adulthood. If only they could see the daily life and the things that they deal with because of some words that may be stuck in their head 20 some years later.

It’s really hard to love, trust, and open up to people if you’ve never actually seen it being done in the household you grew up with.While growing up and you get lied to by the people who you adore the most, it takes a toll on you more than you realize.So when you become cold hearted & guarded and always on defense mode when it comes to intimate relationships or even friendships because everybody that you once trusted turned their back on you. So when it’s times to finally open up you freeze because you’re afraid of being heart broken once again in your life. That is when you have to trust the process and be happy about the journey you are on in life. God doesn’t place more on you, than you can bare because he knows you’re true strength. Nothing in life is easy, everything going on is set up to make you stronger, to make you wiser, and smarter. 

Nobody is perfect in life. People make mistakes daily. Never forget, but its always good to forgive, not for the sake of the other person but for your personal, and mental well being. Holding onto grudges of the past hurt, and betrayal will never be easy because it will eat away at you. I know, I’ve been holding a grudge against the first love of my life. My dad, nothing ever went right when I would be at odds, and being disrespectful. I had to forgive him for the sake of my mental space. I had to do it for me. While on this healing journey I have finally release and let go of the hurt he cause because lets face it he’s only human and he’s allowed to make mistakes. But the older I get the more ok I am with it because no matter what I always had my uncles to be there for me when I needed them the most, he can’t take back anything that he has done. But he can learn and grow from it. So I was able to forgive & forget everything that has happened over the course of my life, just as I forgave my dad I also forgave the man who took something from me that night. I didn’t want to but that’s apart of the healing process. To forgive & I did just that. Even though I’m still dealing with that traumatic experience it honestly gets easier day after day.

Never allow anybody that much access to your mental. Parents, friends, ex-friends, ex-lovers, nobody. Rise above it all, fix your crown and wear that smile proudly because, nobody will ever know the path you took to get to be this amazing human being you are today. Only time will heal all the wounds, but you have to be ready to take on the curve balls of life head on. It will not be easy but trust me after it’s completely over you will look back and be like “wow I did come along way, and im proud of myself.” Keep pushing forward you time is not over.

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